At the beginning of this month (so, 3 days ago), I set myself the challenge of ghosting social media, as well as mainstream media, and seeing if it would help my state of mind at all.

How it’s going so far:

1)Been waking up pretty crabbily. (Not that I’ve been a person who ever, ever, cheerfully wakes up). Can’t say that my mood has improved much. It might actually be getting a bit worse.

2) In terms of dedication to this challenge, it has been slightly difficult. Not so much with the FaceBook or Instagram: I manage to catch myself whenever, out of sheer habit, I click the apps on my phone, and I quickly back out. But with my news feed, or on my computer, it’s been far harder. Getting out of the habit of seeing what’s happening in the greater world is so ingrained in me that the anxiety of not knowing what is happening lately is just as great as the anxiety of knowing . I’ve been peeking.

3) I’m wondering if my irritability is a side-effect, like withdrawal from any addiction.

Now, there were many mitigating factors to my state of mind that have been in play for several months (hell, who am I kidding? Years!)…that I don’t have the energy right now to get into….which made me embark on this effort. It’s all been feeding into this current mood swing of wanting to isolate and retreat. And I know that I’ve had a tendency to do that anyway whenever I’m depressed. But this time feels very different. I’m not really depressed, per se. I don’t want to end my life. I don’t hate life. I still see many things to appreciate and enjoy, and do. But I’m just not so sure anymore that I care to be as involved with anything outside of my immediate environs, i.e., my family and my home and wherever I happen to physically find myself. If it isn’t within 20 feet of me, or if it doesn’t involve someone I am personally acquainted with, (and, even then, if that thing does not involve me at all…) do I really care to know anymore?? That’s how I’m feeling. Unlike my lifelong feelings of depression, I know precisely from where this sentiment has developed….Namely, Disappointment and Disillusionment…and possibly Disgust. (More about that another time).

Anyhow, many people, especially those in my immediate vicinity, keep advising to step away from social media and the news of the world. They say that it will reduce the stress and anxiety. So, that is a piece of advice I have decided to put to the test.
And in addition to seeing how it affects me, we will see if those who advised me to let go will be relieved or appreciative of the fact that I did….