I want to rip my hair out.

I want to rip off my skin, down to the bone, and run until my skeleton falls apart on some deserted road.

I want to burn everything I own down to the ground.

I want to rid myself of everything and just disappear.

I want to just go “POOF!”. Bye-bye! Anyone know of how to spontaneously combust???

It feels as if the Universe has been trying to get me to leave this planet for a very long time. It’s made it clear that I don’t belong here and that it’s given me the chances to go, and I just keep on hanging on…..For what? For why??
I’m not a value-added package. I’m not doing anyone any good that I can tell. And I just don’t get the rules of this place. I don’t like how this world operates.

As my dad was fond of saying, and I whole-heartedly concur: “Ain’t no way to run a railroad”.

I went to a friend’s house and she helped me calm down. But the situation still remains….I came home and the restlessness and sadness and frustration just smacked me in the face as soon as walked in the door.

I suck at motherhood. I suck at marriage. I suck at work. I suck at pretty much everything I can think of.
There is no reason for me to be here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah….I drank a bottle of wine. Because it’s the only way to mellow me out. Unfortunately, it occasionally leads me to melancholy too. And here I am. Spilling it all out, despite promising myself that I wouldn’t. See? I can’t be trusted.

Probably time for me to get back into therapy.
But the scary thing is that I don’t want to this time. I’m nearing the end of my rope. My very, very, very frayed rope.

Just ranting. Into the abyss.

But it’s seriously hard not feel as if SOMETHING out there wants me to just fucking give up already.