Haven’t been here in over a year. Wish I could say that things are MUCH MUCH better.
I can’t.

For a minute, I thought I could…
Husband is gainfully employed at a job that he actually likes. He is feeling useful and helpful and better. He is earning more than he ever has. There is a sense of purpose in his new job. He is a part of helping others in their lives in important ways. He is feeling a little bit more hopeful; less depressed. And that is an incredible relief.

Our son, however….

I am not sleeping tonight because I am worried about his state of mind.
This FUCKING depressive gene…..

We tried to admit him to a psychiatric hospital today. They were full.

We are supposedly going to be able to admit him tomorrow.

This FUCKING depressive gene!!!!!…….

And this STUPID American political and economic and social system!!!…..

And I’m a mom.

Everyone keeps telling me not to beat myself up….But frankly, that’s what the majority of mothers are trained to do. It’s what the majorities of mothers are going to do. It comes with the position.